Making and breaking ties
I somehow find the hullabaloo around Indian Matchmaking hilarious.
I mean, folks are cringing about the patriarchy shown in a 5-hour Netflix series. It makes me wonder what their expressions will look like if they actually sink their teeth into the system some time. Because the show, for whatever it is worth, has not even grazed the surface of the iceberg. It is akin to kids, who have never touched the Harry Potter books in their life, screaming their lungs out about how the movies are the most amazing things to have ever happened to the world.
Okay, enough analogies. Here are my two cents on it (trust me, I will keep it to two, because I have the patience of a gnat and I know you do too. Plus, I need to get these out of my head lest I die of brain hemorrhage tonight.)
1. Put your hands up if you have never met/heard somebody say they want their prospective spouses to be as amazing as their mom/dad.
Put your hands up if you are single, over 25 and you have not once been asked why you have not gotten married yet.
Put your hands up if you are single, a girl, and over 25, and you have not once been told that the clock is ticking and you will never find anybody nice if you don't jump the gun and settle down now.
Go ahead, I will wait.
Okay, time out.
Not that I can see you folks reading this post, but I know there ain't too many hands up there. Because, let's face it. At some point, each of us have been subjected to one or all of these questions. For most of us, it is an everyday ritual. Plus, the whole shebang of Indian matchmaking comes with a set of checkboxes that need to be ticked off even before it sets things brewing in our lives.
For starters, "the girl needs to know how to cook" (Everybody can learn cooking as a life skill. But, no, "my son will not boil a kettle of water". Congratulations, brother. Way to go).
"She should take care of my son" (Why? Is it because he has the mental capacity of a two-year-old and does not know what he wants? When will people understand that marriages are relationships meant to be between two adults, between two people who share the same wavelength, between two people who can communicate and look out for each other?).
"She shouldn't be taller than him, shouldn't be earning more than him, shouldn't be more educated than him" (Ugghh, the sentence reeks so much of patriarchy that I can't even bear to write it, forget tie myself to someone who believes in all this. But wake up folks, and smell the coffee. This is the society we live in. A system that is more likely to eschew a girl pursuing her PhD, simply because the guy in question has only a bachelor's degree).
The millennials and the Gen Z are changing the scene slowly though. They seem to figure their way around - stumbling, falling, failing, getting up, dusting the bruises away, and setting off again. If nothing else, they sure are clear about the options they want to cross off, creating an outlook that's slightly less foggy.
2. Speaking of fog...when things are uncertain, we always seem to need a shoulder to shift the blame on, don't we?
As in, I know life is unpredictable and there's a superpower above us that calls all the shots. But, reaching someplace late just because the neighbor sneezed before you started or because a black cat crossed your path, is taking things a bit too far, don't you think? Or that, you applied for some job and didn't get through purely because you sent in the email during the Rahu Kaal. Sounds absolutely ridiculous, no? For all you know, you might have keyed in the address wrong or might not have even qualified for the position in the first place. But hey, why introspect your shortcomings, when there's an easier excuse out, eh?
Long story short, que sera, sera, I agree.
But don't let the alignment of the stars alone script your story. Give your brain a chance to create history.